Language... (part 3) - The Bane

Problems of language

So much for the magic - why is it the bane of human relationships? Let’s go back to the singularly human skill of abstraction. No doubt, humans are good at this. In fact, we are too good at this. At the heart of this lies the problem as I see it. The artistic form of this generalising is the cartoon. The cartoonist "exaggerates" (or abstracts) those features of a person that are characteristic. We don’t however need to be cartoonists to draw verbal caricatures. We have perfected the art. Just as categorization is the skill we posses that helps us survive, it is also the pitfall that makes us "label" people and events.

"Don't generalize", "You are always labelling people", "Stop branding people like that". These are as commonly heard as said. We say it to others, and have it said to us again! We do it subconsciously.

Just to illustrate, some common labels we attach (this is possibly a caricature itself!) to people and situations go something like this:

• Sarong clad - uneducated or uncultured or both
• Dark skinned and dressed in salva-khamis - suicide bomber
• Army soldier - Tamil hater
• Tamil - Tiger fund raiser/sympathiser
• Government servant - lazy, corrupt and dishonest
• Bearded Moslem - religious fanatic

Two particularly harmful adjuncts (adverbs) associated with such generalizing are "always" and "never". A good place to start would be to make yourself always think before saying always and never resorting to saying never! Try it. Think about the last few misunderstandings you had with someone, and find out how many of them were caused by the use of one of these words!

Some solutions, please

So, is there hope for us? Is there a way out of the "trap of generalization"? There is. Diplomats know the way! In their business, words are life-and-death. (An aside: They say a diplomat is one who must say very little when he knows much of the subject and say much when he knows very little of a subject!). Very rarely would a diplomat use the words always and never unless it is with a particular political agenda!

So, we need to practice the following:

• Always think twice before using always and never haste to use never
• Language is powerful, use words with car
• Before saying something, think:
• Is it true?
• Is it appropriate/ relevant?
• Is it wholesome/ uplifting/ productive or unhelpful/ destructive/ of no benefit?
• Be wary of generalising in general!
• Think contrary to the norm
• Be suspicious of 100% agreement
• Care for degrees of grey: not everything is just black or white
• Don't be afraid to retract
• There are inherent weaknesses in interactive communication
• Admitting wrong is sign of courage & character
• Better late than never/ a stitch in time save nine...
  
• Proves that you have thought about it seriously